A Will to Survive
by renagadeforlife
Summary: Tali goes to see Mordin about being with Shepard. When she gets there, Mordin makes her realize it's not a game and puts her relationship into question. Does Tali rise up to the challenge?


A Will to Survive

The elevator reached deck two, and Tali grew more nervous. She was on her way to talk to Doctor Solus about what to do about her feelings about Shepard.

"Keelah, how do I ask about something like this? What if Shepard comes in mid-conversation? It'd be so embarrassing", Tali thought to herself.

The doors opened and she saw Kelly standing by the galaxy map. Kelly had earned Tali's trust after all the things they talked about and they grew closer after what happened to Shepard.

Kelly turned her head and smiled, "Hey Tali. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing much better now that Shepard is ok. Speaking of Shepard, have you seen him?"

"He said something about having something to do on Illium. Hey, can you keep a secret?"

"Sure I can", Tali replied.

"Okay but don't tell him I told you, Shepard said he was going to find something for you in the markets."

Tali, under her mask, blushed, "Really? That's so sweet."

Kelly smiled, "He is such a softie. Hey, I've got work to do but let's catch up later."

"I understand. I'll talk to you later Kelly."

Kelly went back to work and Tali turned for the Tech Lab. She walked through the doors and saw Mordin standing there pondering about something.

"Maybe if I could get more seeker samples, I could improve countermeasure…No, too risky could possibly endanger team. Yes, is there something I could help you with?"

Tali was surprised how he just shifted focus and it caught her off-guard.

"Well is there something you need? Time cannot be wasted… too busy for pointless conversation."

"Umm… I'm sorry if you're busy I can come back later", she replied.

"First time you've come to my lab…would not have come if not important. Must be nervous… uncommon for Quarians due to enclosed environment of Migrant Fleet. Must be something difficult to discuss…perhaps a sexual discussion. Makes sense, most species nervous when subject of sex is brought up."

Tali realized that Mordin was right. She was only nervous because it was about sex. She finally came back around and asked, "Doctor, what can you tell me about cross-species relationship."

"Highly uncommon among many species, only Asari oppose same-species relationships due to high chance of Ardat-Yakshi mutation. Also nothing beneficial about two Asari mating or so common knowledge would say. While I am flattered you would come to me, Salarians generally only mate with other Salarians."

Tali, shocked at what Mordin just assumed, rebutted, "No doctor, I actually came here because I was curious about Quarians mating with… humans."

"Oh…makes more sense given obvious body language you give off when around Shepard. Thought you had change of heart…clearly mistaken my apologies."

"Wait, what do you mean obvious body language?"

"Salarians learn to read body language, you stand straight when he enters room, hands fidget, and you get…bouncy."

Embarrassed Tali replied, "Keelah, I didn't think I made it so obvious."

"Most people too focused on what is going on to notice probably. Anyways back to your question of cross-species…"

"Is it possible Doctor Solus?"

"Before I answer, need to know severity of affection?"

Taken back by his request she asked, "Why is that important?

"Given the fact you are Dextro DNA, Shepard's DNA could be fatal. Strong passion could build a "mental resistance."

"Really?"

"Humans have a saying, having the will to live. Humans say if someone lacks the spirit to live their body dies regardless of injuries. Concept of the "broken heart"… no reason to live so if injured they allow body to die."

"I didn't expect that kind of ideology from you Doctor Solus?"

Mordin turned and took a deep breath. He finally turned back and said, "On Omega, Blue Sun hunted humans because they thought they were behind the plague. Many humans came in, sole survivors who watched as their families and friends were slaughtered. Their injuries were not serious as others, but would not respond to treatment. For the first time in a long time, I was confused. A human, only a teenager, was not seriously injured but still vitals were weak. Just as I was about to operate…"

"Just let me die", he said.

Mordin paused, as if he was reminiscing. "I could not understand what he was asking. Could not understand someone wanting to die…not when you have a chance of survival. I asked him why he wanted to die. Told me…he had nothing worth living for. He died shortly after. I tried reviving him but nothing worked." He turned back to Tali, "I will ask you again. How serious are you about the commander?"

Tali was speechless. The words were there but it was as if a varren had her tongue. "I…I", she attempted to say.

Mordin interrupted, "Courage…to face death even though you know the odds are heavily against you. If you don't have it…you will die in Shepard's arms."

His words sparked something in her as she finally knew what to say, "I love Shepard. I've loved him ever since I met him on the Citadel two long years ago. When he fell in love with Ashley, it nearly broke my heart. I hated Shepard for not noticing me, but then something in him changed after leaving Ashley behind to die on Virmire. He was broken. He didn't want to leave anybody behind. I heard about what happened to his squad on Torfan and what happened to his family on Mindoir. Shepard is surrounded by death and it follows him everywhere he goes. Even with all that death, he managed to be kind-hearted to those around him but then… Ashley died. He couldn't handle it anymore. I remember walking around the Normandy and hearing him screaming in his quarters. Yelling how it was the councils fault because they didn't believe him about the Reapers, how it was Captain Kirrahe who took her away from his command, and then I heard him crash to the ground. He was crying saying that it was his fault that he wasn't fast enough to save both of them. I heard him coming to the door so I hid. After he left, I snuck into his room and it was mess. There were holes in his bed, his terminal was damaged, and pages of his journal were on fire. He left for the Armstrong cluster to stop a potential Geth invasion. Never before had I'd seen him so vicious, I saw him rip Geth brutally apart with his biotics, shooting Geth even though they were deactivated, and just showing no remorse for anything in his way. I think he would have killed us if we would have got in his way. When he came down to see me about the Geth information he found, I saw him as a shell of a man. So torn apart by the death and destruction following him, I could see that he, as you said, had lost the will to live. Even with all of that, the kind-hearted person was still hanging in there as he willingly handed me valuable data. I followed him to the elevator and when the doors closed I…I hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and I could tell he was holding back his tears. I think he just needed to know that he wasn't alone. After that, he was still ruthless, but he wasn't as reckless about it. I remember being with him on the Citadel during the Geth attack. He had the chance to sacrifice the Council, but he spared them. The very people he blamed for Ashley death. He turned to me, smiled, and told Joker to save the Council. After that I returned to the Fleet, but not a day passed where Shepard wasn't on my mind. When I heard about the Normandy being destroyed, I almost lost hope but then I ran into him on Freedoms progress. He was alive and he had a glow to him that I thought he'd lost. He was happy to be alive. Doctor Solus… I love Shepard with every fabric of my being and if I have to die to show Shepard my love then it is worth it."

Mordin stood there with a blank face as he soaked in all the information simply replied, "Yes, that will do."

Tali was confused. She had just spilled her story and that was all he could say. "What do you mean", she asked.

Mordin ignored the question and replied, "Crossing between Dextro and Amino based DNA is very dangerous. You understand this?"

Firmly, Tali responded, "Yes, I am willing to take this risk if it means I can be with Shepard. Just tell me what I need to know for it to work."

Mordin nodded, "It will work. Luckily for you human males are the easiest species in the galaxy to please in sexual relationships…well besides Asari…they don't count. If curious of how to turn on human males, take these magazines, movies, and this human anatomy data pad."

"Umm doctor if you don't mind me asking, how did you get these?"

"I found the magazines and movies in a hidden compartment by Joker and the human anatomy was mine as I needed to know how to treat humans."

"Joker just let you go through his "hidden compartments?"

"Long story but not enough time, the short version is I planted a probe in his elbow to test his disease so I could look for a cure while he was sleeping. The compartment was open and if I told you the rest of the story it would be…problematic."

"I think I understand."

"Before I forget, will also need medication for possible health problems."

In disbelief, Tali asked, "Again, why do you have these?"

"…Never know when you'll need them. Better to have them and not need them then to need them and not have them."

"…Fair enough", she replied blankly. "Umm…you're not going to tell Shepard about this conversation are you?"

"Absolutely not, doctor-patient relationship a sacred bond, would never betray trust of a patient. With your permission; however, I'd like to ask if there is a shared interest and I could inform you."

"That's fine…I think"

"Good, anything else?"

Tali walks up to him and hugs him, "Thank you Doctor Solus. Thank you for keeping Shepard alive."

"Don't thank me…my fault Shepard's life was in peril. Should have died on Collector Base, but took front of the attack. Good commander, lucky to have a loyal leader. So don't thank me…thank yourself."

"Thank myself? Why", she asked.

Mordin took a deep breath and said, "Injuries should have killed him. Trauma to the body should have put him out for good. It seems like he has something or someone pushing him to stay alive. He must have had…a reason to live."

Tali remembered Shepard thanking her earlier, and now understands why he said what he said. The butterflies returned to her stomach and she was smiling so hard her cheeks were hurting. She was the reason Shepard wanted to live. The hug she gave him on the elevator years ago made him realize that even with all the death in his life, he had friends who wanted to see him make to the other side.

"Thank you for the stuff Doctor Solus."

"Call me Mordin…have earned it."

"Okay, thank you…Mordin."

"Anytime Tali Zorah vas Normandy."

She laughed and said, "Please, just Tali."

He nodded and went back to work. She returned to the crew quarters and put the stuff Mordin gave her in her footlocker. Just then Shepard came into the room.

"Shepard, you're back", she said with a smile.

"Hey Tali, happy to see you're in a good mood," he replied. "Can we umm… go up to my cabin? I want to talk to you about something."

Tali, containing her surprise, answered calmly, "Sure let's go."

They entered the elevator, Shepard pushed the button to his cabin, and then the doors closed.


End file.
